When Your Mate Won’t Talk

They say that opposites attract, and though we believe that we are attracted to people who share our interests, the opposing things might be hiding in other areas. You and your mate might enjoy the same movies, foods, and books, but I’m willing to bet that you don’t think alike or respond to situations in the same way. For instance, if you are one who likes to talk through issues as soon as they arise, but your mate seems to want to be left alone and hold things inside, your relationship could get extremely frustrating and complicated. Don’t give up hope and part ways, though. Different people handle problems differently. Some like the head on approach, while others don’t really know how to handle problems and would rather withdraw. These 10 tips are things that you can do to either get your mate talking or to handle things on your end without your partner’s input.

  1. Wait. Give your mate some space and time to go over their thoughts, before you discuss an issue. While it may be easy for you to jump right into the conversation, it may take your partner some time to process things before he/she can effectively communicate.
  2. Stay cool. Stay calm and be patient when you approach your mate to discuss something difficult. Your partner may shy away from disagreements, because he/she isn’t comfortable with confrontation.
  3. Assess body language. Read your mate’s body language. Words don’t always effectively express what we’re feeling. Body language, however, tells on us all of the time. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you know your partner. What does your gut tell you about what he/she is feeling?
  4. Show love.Speak his/her love language. When there is a difficult situation to discuss, you can show love to your mate to let him/her know that you are approaching in a loving way and that you simply want to make an improvement to your relationship.
  5. Be positive.Lead with positive reinforcement. This allows your mate to feel relaxed to hear you say something nice, before you get into the heavier stuff. This could also help your partner receive what you have to say in a more positive way. Otherwise, he/she might be ready for a fight and come out slinging hurtful words in response to what you have to say.
  6. Write a letter. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and lash out with the first thing that pops into our minds, but if we could read what we said in anger, we might wish we could take some of those things back. When you’re hurting or upset, it’s good to keep in mind that you are dealing with someone that you love. Write down what you would like to say, and if after you’ve proofread and reread it, if you still feel that you want to share, go for it.
  7. Table it. Again, the heat of the moment might not be the best time to discuss some things. So, it might be best if you table the situation, go do something together, and then come back to it. You both will be calmer and clear headed then.
  8. Be open. If your mate does something that you don’t understand, don’t fill in the gaps without asking questions and gaining clarity. This might cause more confusion, and lead to you blaming your partner for something he/she didn’t do or didn’t intend to do.
  9. See past it. When things aren’t going well, it can be easy to stop everything and focus in on the negative. Though you may have to deal with an issue, if you fast forward in your mind to the two of you smiling and cuddling again, the discussion might go a lot smoother. I’m sure you want to get back to the good times as quickly as possible.
  10. Let it go. It might not be that important to your partner to discuss, because it just isn’t a big deal. If your mate doesn’t want to talk about something, sometimes it’s wise to just leave it alone. With time, some things fix themselves without our help. Let the love that you share handle some of the small things.

These are common things that we can all practice in our relationships. Forever is a long time, and it will be even longer if we dwell on every little issue.



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